I was over visiting Prior Fat Girl’s blog spot earlier today and she posed the question about your biggest fear. A lot of folks commented and there seemed to be a common theme. People are afraid to fail, people are afraid that they will not lose the final five, people are afraid that they will gain it all back. For anyone who has struggled with weight and the whole yo-yo dieting thing, these are all very real and very legit concerns, but I have a different fear.
My fear: Getting to my goal, and still not being the person that I thought I would be. A better husband, a better father, a better person. I'm afraid that I will come to the realization that it wasn't the weight, it was me.
I have had success. I lost about 120 pounds. You see, I always thought that my weight was my number one issue. Don’t get me wrong it was/is still a HUGE issue, but I’m not going to fall over dead of a heart attack at the age of thirty. I eat better now (mostly) and work out (running about 2.5 miles per day) so physically I’m better. Mentally, though, is where I struggle. When I first started out I felt great and invincible. Everyone noticed the weight loss, my confidence was beaming. Now I’m just a normal guy. I have let this weird mental block negatively impact my relationships with my wife and kids. I may have a different body, but I’m still acting like the same jerk. I thought that was all supposed to change once the weight came off, like I was magically going to become this awesome person. It didn’t. So I guess I have realized my biggest fear. The weight was just an accomplice, I’m the real reason I am the way I am. I need to figure it out. My confidence has been shaken, and is practically non-existent. I must figure out a way to change this person that have become. When I was 345 lbs I could get away with being angry, zero confidence fat guy, but now I don’t have an excuse. Now I have to get to the bottom of it, confront the real issues. Some how, some way, I will figure it out and become the husband, father, and man I’ve always wanted to be.