Monday, December 21, 2009

Why Em See A

Rach and I joined the YMCA this weekend and proceeded to do our first workout together in a long while. We jumped on the old treadmill, ran two miles and then we hit the weights, or should I say weight machines? I guess I have not been to a gym in a while. I couldn’t tell the difference between the leg press and the paint scaffolding.* Anyway we muddled our way through a variety of lifts for our bis, tris, quads, calves, chest, and lats (I can’t be 100% certain, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have lats)
*This joke is borrowed from comedian Brian Regan who tells it way better, well of course he does
That was yesterday morning and today… whew... my body aches. But it is a good ache. An ache of accomplishment. (ain't alliteration awesome) I really enjoyed working out and was proud of myself for not being intimidated as I know I would have been just a year ago. Other than my appearance that has to be one of the biggest changes in my weight loss journey. I never really enjoyed going to the gym as I hated being looked at like the fat guy and I always felt like everyone was staring and laughing. I know they weren’t, not at all, but my self image and feeling of self worth held me back. I’m still working through, but the improvement is drastic. Yesterday I felt like I belonged. I'm off the sidelines and in the game baby!
My plan is to get out of bed at 5:30 ish every morning and go workout. Rach is going to go after I get home from work (which I have scaled back on big time, just weekends for the p/t job now)
Wish me luck…I just hope I do not take a hammer to my alarm clock in the morning.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Ah, the blogosphere. I hadn’t really noticed how long it’s been since I wrote, until Sean Anderson sent me comment wishing me well. Sean, I’m good, tired but good. I hope everything is well with you, and I’m sorry your Pokes got killed by the Sooners. We Mizzou fans know all about getting our asses kicked by Bob Stoops. Hey there is always the Chiefs..errr.. the Royals.. errr crap, why wasn’t I born in Boston?
I think I gave it away by the title, but my life has been consumed by work for the last month and a half or so. My job at Buca Di Beppo is going along nicely. I have been in server training (cue The Jefferson’s ‘Moving on Up’ music) for the last couple of weeks so I should be waiting tables very soon. (TAJ, I did learn that menu by the way, the Chicken Saltimbocca is amazing) So my weeks have been a lot like this…
Monday: DST 8:00-4:30,
Buca 5:00- 10:00
Tuesday: DST 8:00-4:30
School 6:00- 10:00
Wednesday: DST 8:00-4:30
Thursday: DST 8:00-4:30
Buca 5:00-10:00
Friday: DST 8:00- 4:30
Buca 5:00-12:00
Saturday: Buca 4:00-12:00ish
Sunday: Off…sometimes…
I really enjoy work, but I miss my family. I miss my wife and kids very much so. The good news is that we have finally started to be a little more financially stable, but at what expense? I do not like missing bath time, story time, and bed time. I do not like hearing that my kids are crying asking for me. It is hard. Really hard, but I will make it through. Rach has been fantastic through all of this. I’m not sure how in the world she does it. No clue. I’m not sure I could. She is just so damn amazing and I am extremely lucky to have her.

My weight “loss” has suffered too. I have maintained, which is good, but I am still very far from where I want to be and I am struggling big time. I haven’t exercised like I should, I have been eating like a fool (damn muffins), the scale may not show, but I feel it. Funny how that works. When I was 345 I would somehow convince my self that I wasn’t that bad. Now at 230 I am trying to convince myself that I am a lot better off, but that is becoming more and more difficult. Weird role reversal for sure. I’m really not sure how to get back to it. I am very motivated and very driven, but energy wise (physically & mentally) I am drained. I am not sure how some of you guys do it. I guess it’s just like anything else, you just have to do it. I’ve read blog after blog, and I realize that I am not any different that any one of them. Everyone has jobs, kids, tragedy, and all kinds of difficult circumstances to overcome. I just cannot figure it out. Many of you cruise along and I am struggling.
I feel as though sometimes, I am slipping into poor habits and I rationalize it by saying “oh look I haven’t gained any weight” and “oh I can turn it on any time I want” but I’m bit worried. Those thought were what got me to 345 in the first place. I’m hoping that identifying the problem is a step in the right direction. I’ve written so many times how I will never go back, and dammit I’m not. It’s time to get it together and just do it. Because I truly believe now that I can do anything I want. I’m not going to let mole hill become a mountain.
I guess the bottom line is that I know what to eat, how to eat, when to eat, why I eat it. I know how to exercise, what to do when I exercise, why I exercise. Now it’s just a matter of putting an action plan into place and following up with it. I think I will start now. Nothing like walking up and down eight flights of stairs for the remaining 20 minutes of my lunch.