Friday, September 11, 2009

Getting back on track and a special thanks

July 27th 232 lbs
August 3rd 234 lbs
August 10th 229 lbs
August 17th 234 lbs
August 24th 230.5 lbs
August 31st 231 lbs
September 7th 231.5 lbs
September 11th 229.5 lbs

So as you can see I’m in a bit of a holding pattern here, which is not necessarily a horrible thing since I have been eating like an a-hole and being my own worst enemy* I haven’t posted in a while simply because I just haven’t been in a good mood. Life is in a tough spot right now and my weight loss journey has suffered. Quite frankly I’m surprised that I haven’t gained 10-15 pounds. My meals have consisted of eating out at pizza buffets, Chinese buffets, and Mexican restaurants that use enough cheese to cover the state of Rhode Island.

* There is a 90’s song by Lit called My Own Worst Enemy that is wonderful drinking music. I would love for Jack Sh*t to do one of his parodies to it.

I wrote a cocky, arrogant post a couple of weeks ago called Will it matter? I was feeling good, riding high on the weight loss horse. I weighed 225 lbs one morning. I felt invincible. Well truth be told, that post was more of excuse to eat like crap. I’m not really sure where I went wrong. Early on in my journey I was consistent and steadfast. I would not stray at all, except on my once a month “date nights” with my wife. Lately I feel as though I can eat whatever, whenever I want. I feel as though I’m out of control. I must somehow find the internal strength to regain my control and start doing the things that made me successful in the first place. Like my blog friend Sean always says, good choices. I must begin making good choices again.

I know I’m not alone in the weight loss struggle and just when I got cocky and thought I had it figured out, BAM! I learned I didn’t know shit. It’s like the weight loss Gods said check yourself before you wiggedy wreck yourself. (I’m pretty sure Jesus said that once too) I got lost made the U-turn and started back down the road to 345 lbs. But I got news, it ain’t happening.

I never thought that after I dropped so much weight that it might get harder. I should have known better. Keeping it off is the real struggle. But it’s a fight I’m ready to take on. A fight I have prepared my whole life for. For me, everything started with my weight loss. I always hid behind my failures because I could blame it on my weight. Now I must face my real issues. Issues that have been hidden under layers of fat. Issues now that are on the forefront of my mind. Issues that must be taken on head first. My ego took a hit. It needed to. The ship is getting righted as we speak.

I want to mention one other thing, and I know that it’s 9/11 and it should be mentioned more often, but I have a good friend that I have not spoken with since October 2004. He’s in the Army and has been serving in Iraq. His name is Curtis Swearingin. I’m not sure where he is now or if he is ok, but I want to say thanks to him and all of his military brothers and sisters.

1 comment:

  1. Joe I completely feel this post. I am where you're at right now. The problem is that where is that where you're at is so much better than where you were that it's comfortable and feels okay - actually it feels pretty good. Please don't give up simply because "I" need to see that you're okay. That's selfish of me but it's also where I am.