Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Willpower or Realpower?

I’ve been thinking a lot about my last 2 months or so of my weight loss journey and I have noticed a trend. Whenever I get a craving for something, or a bad thought about what to eat I just cannot seem to shake it, no matter what. Case in point, Friday afternoon my wife and I went to our local grocery store to stock up on some food and all I could think about was picking up that donut or shoveling that bag of chips down my gullet as fast as possible or buying one of their coconut cream pies with real meringue. I’m not sure why. I did pass on the donut and pie, but I bought a bag of chips with the intention of woofing them down because it was Friday night baby! Why would that matter?
So we left the store with our bag of chips and some other groceries but I still wanted something. Something more. So I coerced my wife into going to the chinese buffet. Which isn’t any good, but it satiated me and satisfied my craving. So much so I still have an unopened bag of chips.
My point being that willpower will ultimately fail. It’s a sad truth for me, but a truth none the less. In my opinion it’s not real. What is real is keeping your body full by putting the proper nutritional foods into it. That way your brain doesn’t go into overdrive to try and satiate itself. You can’t beat your brain. It will always will in a fight. But you can keep you brain ‘full’ if that makes sense.
Sugar and caffeine are proven to trigger cravings. Sugar is found in almost everything that comes in a box or can or bottle. Whether it’s called sugar, fructose, corn syrup, or the ever popular high fructose corn syrup it’s all sugar and that is bad.
Willpower? No. What I do have ‘real’ power over is how I eat to satiate myself throughout the day. If I make the right choices for breakfast, lunch, and snack, that I will not get those cravings that just are impossible to stave off. The biology of the body just works that way. We are built to store fat during famine, thus naturally when we are hungry; we tend to be drawn to food high in fat so we lower our chances of starving to death. At least that is my quantification of the whole food thing.

And now I present to you the 0-16 2009 Kansas City Chiefs. Oh my.
And why do the Royals always win in September when it doesn’t matter?

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Diet Mountain Dew Makes Me Phat and a Marathon?

Water, water, water… I know, but dang did I used to love me some Mountain Dew. Back in the day, my brother and I would go through a case in 24 hours. I kid you not. Yes that is 170 calories for each can. Let’s just say I drank at least 12 cans a day (I say at least because that is probably an underestimate) and that is a whopping, monstrous, unbelievably gargantuan, Godzilla sized, grand total of 2040 calories a day. Um yeah, you don’t get to 345 pounds drinking water.

So early on in my journey I swore off soda completely. I drank only water and juice. Just recently have I discovered the joy of Diet Mountain Dew. I used to turn my nose up to diet soda because well it was gross. But now, Diet Mountain Dew gives me a nice dose of caffeine (which may or may not be bad for me, I mean they put it in pain medicine right?) and it really helps with any sweet craving that I have. I absolutely love it. So here’s to Diet Mountain Dew, the soda with all the kick and zero calories.

While I’m on the subject of weight loss, my wife Rachel, announced that she wants to run a marathon next year. Whoa, 26.2 miles. Sounds painful, but you know what, I am 100% behind her and I am willing to do it with her. The challenge intrigues me and I know if we set our minds to doing it there will be no stopping us. We typically run about 2 miles most nights anyway so what’s another 24? Uh… a lot. But it’s a journey that I want to take with my wife and I feel that it will help us strengthen our already very tight bond.

I weighed in at 226 pounds today so I have regained my momentum on the scale. And yes I do weigh everyday and every night. I know it’s not really healthy for me to do that, but I am sort of a scale junkie. If my scale broke you might find me at the nearest highway weigh station to satisfy my craving. For some reason it drives and motivates me. Maybe someday I can break that damn scale Office Space style and finally free myself. Until then, I keep plenty of 9-volt batteries on hand.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Grown up? Most likely not...

My friends* and I were e-mailing each other at work yesterday and the topic of “you know your adult when…” came up. We then compiled a list back and forth. I thought it was funny. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t, but I bet you can relate to one or two of them…

*My friends would be Scott & Rusty, both of whom I have known for over 20 years. They are both totally awesome and much funnier than I am.

The list…which apply to at least one of us or all of us…

-Fall asleep at 8:45
-Bitch about the weather
-I’m balding
-Determine if cheap baby wipes are the same as the expensive ones (they are not)
-Think about the good old days which include George Brett
-Genuinely get pissed at the skateboarders in my street
-Drive a Lincoln
-Graying hair or beard
-Knees, ankles, & hips pop even if I’m only moving my arms
-I have no earthly clue who Taylor Swift is
-I don’t care who Taylor Swift is
-I think about tax implications of every move I make
-The weather app on my iphone is probably the most used
-I will never, ever do the stanky leg (2 of us still aren’t sure what the stanky leg is)
-Genuinely get pissed at the bumping rice rocket, tricked out car on my block (I hope that’s not racist)
-I drive a station wagon
-I have to use the old swing my head back to gain momentum to get off the couch
-Don’t have cable because I think it’s too expensive
-Love Werther’s Original
-Visit restaurants like Cracker Barrel & Golden Corral
-Put on shorts and house shoes when I get home, but leave on my black socks
-Cut coupons
-Get pissed when the neighbor’s dog craps in my yard
-I care more about lawn maintenance than what style of car I drive
-I enjoy talk radio
-My pants actually fit
-I don’t care how tough I look
-I care more about how my lawn is looking than my hair
-I look forward to the nightly news
-I have a long hair on my back, just one. There is also on my right earlobe
-Teenage girls dress too slutty and the guys look like street bums
-I think that teachers, firefighters, & cops should be paid more than pro athletes
-I would rather rent a movie and stay in
-I like cleaning out my garage
-I recycle
-I watch what I eat
-Lightning bugs make me happy
-I read for fun
-I like getting up early
-Coffee tastes good
-I enjoy talking to my elderly neighbors (as long as their dog hasn’t crapped in my yard
-Bitch about the mailman being behind on his route
-Re-use ziplock bags if possible
-Time it just right so I fertilize my lawn just before it rains
-Bought one of those suction cup mats that go in the bathtub to avoid slipping
-Love to drink different kinds of tea
-Pixie sticks taste like shit
-My bedtime has reverted back to what it was when I was 7
-I like driving without the radio on
-I now understand why my dad was so angry all the time

Monday, September 14, 2009

Monday Haiku

I weigh two thirty
Only five foot eleven
Fifty more to go

Ok so it's not Robert Frost. Or even on the level of a fifth... errr... third grader.
I apologize to all of my English teachers. I'm sorry, you were all very fine teachers.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Getting back on track and a special thanks

July 27th 232 lbs
August 3rd 234 lbs
August 10th 229 lbs
August 17th 234 lbs
August 24th 230.5 lbs
August 31st 231 lbs
September 7th 231.5 lbs
September 11th 229.5 lbs

So as you can see I’m in a bit of a holding pattern here, which is not necessarily a horrible thing since I have been eating like an a-hole and being my own worst enemy* I haven’t posted in a while simply because I just haven’t been in a good mood. Life is in a tough spot right now and my weight loss journey has suffered. Quite frankly I’m surprised that I haven’t gained 10-15 pounds. My meals have consisted of eating out at pizza buffets, Chinese buffets, and Mexican restaurants that use enough cheese to cover the state of Rhode Island.

* There is a 90’s song by Lit called My Own Worst Enemy that is wonderful drinking music. I would love for Jack Sh*t to do one of his parodies to it.

I wrote a cocky, arrogant post a couple of weeks ago called Will it matter? I was feeling good, riding high on the weight loss horse. I weighed 225 lbs one morning. I felt invincible. Well truth be told, that post was more of excuse to eat like crap. I’m not really sure where I went wrong. Early on in my journey I was consistent and steadfast. I would not stray at all, except on my once a month “date nights” with my wife. Lately I feel as though I can eat whatever, whenever I want. I feel as though I’m out of control. I must somehow find the internal strength to regain my control and start doing the things that made me successful in the first place. Like my blog friend Sean always says, good choices. I must begin making good choices again.

I know I’m not alone in the weight loss struggle and just when I got cocky and thought I had it figured out, BAM! I learned I didn’t know shit. It’s like the weight loss Gods said check yourself before you wiggedy wreck yourself. (I’m pretty sure Jesus said that once too) I got lost made the U-turn and started back down the road to 345 lbs. But I got news, it ain’t happening.

I never thought that after I dropped so much weight that it might get harder. I should have known better. Keeping it off is the real struggle. But it’s a fight I’m ready to take on. A fight I have prepared my whole life for. For me, everything started with my weight loss. I always hid behind my failures because I could blame it on my weight. Now I must face my real issues. Issues that have been hidden under layers of fat. Issues now that are on the forefront of my mind. Issues that must be taken on head first. My ego took a hit. It needed to. The ship is getting righted as we speak.

I want to mention one other thing, and I know that it’s 9/11 and it should be mentioned more often, but I have a good friend that I have not spoken with since October 2004. He’s in the Army and has been serving in Iraq. His name is Curtis Swearingin. I’m not sure where he is now or if he is ok, but I want to say thanks to him and all of his military brothers and sisters.